26期家长学校回顾｜最有爱的原生家庭助力孩子一生

清华附中国际部第26期家长学校于12月17日成功举办。此次讲座受到众多家长欢迎，大家汇聚线上，在世界创新教育联盟秘书长董华春博士的专业讲解中，共同学习和领悟“给孩子建设一个最有爱的原生家庭，助力孩子一生健康成长心灵丰盈”。

On December 17th, the 26th edition of THIS Parent School was successfully held and was well received by many parents.  They gathered online to learn and understand from Dr. Dong Huachun, Secretary General of the World Alliance for Innovative Education, how “building a loving family origin for your child can help children grow up with a healthy hearts and souls.”

董博士的讲座深入浅出，她先为大家指出，原生家庭是指自己出生和成长的家庭，即是指儿女还未成婚，仍与父母生活在一起的家庭。我们每个人在原生家庭中都经历人生成长最关键的4个阶段：

母亲体内怀胎9个月，这是我们每个人身体构造的阶段，在这里，我们身体内主要是来自遗传基因的结合和重组。

0-7岁，第一个七年，这是我们每个人初次来到这个世界，与这个物质世界接触的最开始。在这个阶段中，每个人都有自己认识这个世界方式，这种方式也深深关联着我们每个人的原生家庭和生长被养育的环境。我们生命的前七年是“我是谁”的基石，这是我们【灵商-SQ】发育的阶段。

Dr. Dong Huachun, with her many years of experience with psychological theory and innovative educational practice, shared unique insights and practical methods on how to build the most loving family origin relationship.  She started by defining that the family origin is the family where one was born and raised.  It is the family where and when the children are still living with their parents (before they are married). In our families of origin, we all experience the four most critical stages of growth in our lives.

Stage 1 (the 9 months from conception to birth) is the stage of our body’s construction where the combination and reorganization of genes are occuring.

Stage 2 (0-7 years) is the very beginning of each of us and our coming into contact with the material world for the first time. During this period, each person has his or her own way of knowing the world which is deeply connected to the family origin and the environment in which we were raised. These first seven years make up the cornerstone of “who I am,” the development of our spiritual quotient (SQ).

8-14岁，第二个七年，这是我们进入青春期并发展我们主要情感模式的阶段。是我们开始了自己和他人之间的关系和边界的【情商-EQ】发育阶段。

15-21岁，第三个七年，我们开始进入年轻的成年。这是我们思考生活中的成长岁月，是我们开始产生对外界、他人世界看法的观点的时候，我们称之为【智商-IQ】发育的阶段，这是你训练你的大脑平衡和协调使用左右脑的能力，以及灵活思考和远见的能力。

The second seven years, ages 8-14 (stage 3), is when we enter adolescence and develop our primary emotional patterns. This is the stage where we begin to develop our emotional intelligence – EQ – in our relationships and boundaries with others.

At Stage 4, ages 15-21, the third seven years, we begin to enter young adulthood. These are the formative years in our thinking lives.  This is the time when we begin to develop perspectives on the outside world and  learn more about other people’s views of the world.  This stage of development is what we call [IQ-IQ].  It is when you train your brain to use the right and left sides in a balanced and coordinated way, as well as the ability to think flexibly and with foresight.

人的一生成长阶段彼此之间是环环相扣的。在原生家庭中，我们的SQ 、EQ、IQ是否得到了健康科学高效发展，决定了我们在这个世界上的底层模式运作是否遵循着健康的轨迹。

The stages of human growth throughout life are intertwined with each other. Whether our SQ , EQ and IQ are developed in a healthy and scientifically efficient way in what our family origin helps us to determine.  Our family origins shape our underlying patterns of functioning in the world followed by giving us a healthy trajectory.

弗里曼（David S.Freeman）在“家庭关系疗愈-原生家庭路径”“Family Therapy-The Family-of-origin Approach” 提出了的五项原生家庭的重要角色以及原生家庭对人生的六方面影响。

心理学家卡尔·荣格（Carl Jung）指出，原生家庭深刻影响着我们的内心世界的形成和发展，我们每个人的内心世界，影响我们所做的一切行为与决定，进而影响着我们成年之后的生活的方方面面。

卡尔·荣格（Carl Jung）在1940 年首次出版的《儿童原型心理学》一书中，指出所有成年人内心世界都有一个“内在小孩”（child within）。

David S. Freeman, in “Family Therapy-The Family-of-origin Approach,” identifies five important roles of the family origin and six ways in which the family origin affects life.

The psychologist Carl Jung, a proponent of the Family Origin Approach, has identified five important roles of the family origin and six areas of its influence on life. In his book “The Psychology of Child Archetypes”, first published in 1940, Carl Jung points out that all adults have an “inner child” (child within) in their inner world. 

According to Carl Jung, our family origin profoundly influences the formation and development of our inner world and all the actions and decisions we make, thus influencing all aspects of our adult lives.

心理学家阿德勒有句名言：“幸福的人用童年治愈一生，不幸的人用一生治愈童年。”

一个人在原生家庭中遭遇的童年创伤，很有可能会成为相伴一生的痛苦。每个人成人之后的情绪表现是和童年经历有关，意味着，当我们每个人感受到情绪受伤的时候，头脑会首先唤醒童年的某些相关的记忆，从而导致我们产生某种情绪带来的下意识行为。这些行为，目的都是自我保护（不受伤），可能是过激的反动，也可能是低迷的压抑。

The psychologist Adler famously said, “Happy people spend their lives healing from childhood; unhappy people spend their lives healing from childhood.”

The childhood trauma one experiences in one’s family origin is likely to become a lifelong pain. Each person’s emotional expression as an adult is related to childhood experiences.  When each of us feels emotionally wounded, the mind first awakens certain memories associated with childhood, which leads us to certain subconscious behaviors brought on by emotions. These behaviors, all aimed at self-protection (not getting hurt), may be overly reactionary or depressed and repressed.

对于孩子来说，作为父母的我们就是他们原生家庭的重要组成部分。原生家庭对孩子的影响，就如同遗传密码一样，刻在孩子的人格模式和行为模式中。在充满爱和温情的家庭中长大的孩子，人格比较健全。在缺乏爱和温情的家庭中长大的孩子，人格容易出现缺陷。原生家庭的气氛、传统习惯、子女在家庭角色上的学效对象、家人互动的关系等，都将影响孩子日后在自己人生当中以及新家庭中的种种表现。

For children, parents are an important part of their family origin. The influence of the family origin on the child is inscribed in the child’s personality and behavior pattern like a genetic code. Children who grow up in a loving and warm family tend to have a more robust personality. Children who grow up in families that lack love and affection are prone to challenges associated with personality traits. The atmosphere of the family origin, traditional habits, the role of the child in the family, and family interactions will influence how the child behaves in his or her own life and in his/her new family.

作为父母的成年人，必须充分认识自己原生家庭的影响，勇于面对自己原生家庭的问题，和自己原生家庭和解，安抚自己内在的受伤小孩，疗愈受伤的心。因为父母所在的原生家庭让我们失去的那些，我们必须要自己找回来，才不致将原生家庭一些负面的元素带到新生家庭去。

As parents, adults must be fully aware of the influence of the family origin, face the problems of the family origin, reconcile with it to help soothe the inner-wounded children healing wounded hearts. To not bring some negative elements of our family origin to our new family, we need to get regain back what was lost to us in our parents’ family origin.

在此基础上，作为父母的成年人，必须能够分离原生家庭的影响，超越原生家庭的桎梏，作独立而有爱的自我，有新的动力重新去爱我们的父母，有新的智慧好好去爱我们的孩子，给与孩子一个最有爱的原生家庭，培养身心健康卓越创新的孩子，和孩子共建一生爱的正能量宝库。

On this basis, parents must be able to separate the influence of their own family origins, transcend the shackles of that origin by becoming more independent and loving selves.  This new motivation to love our parents again along with the new wisdom of loving our children,  we, as the adults, are able to give our children the most loving family origins, raise healthy and innovative children, and build a lifelong treasure trove of positive energy with our children.

在本次讲座中，董博士就上述内容做了系统清晰的解读，还结合著名心理学家萨提亚女士的冰山模式图为大家介绍如何更好的了解我们孩子行为之后的应对方式、感受、观点、期待、渴望、自我等，还分享了结合具体案例的“爱的十大法宝”，这些具体方法和详细话术作为实操工具，让大家获益良多。

In this lecture, Dr. Dong explained the above contents systematically and clearly.  She used Ms. Satya’s, the famous psychologist, iceberg model diagram to help parents better understand what is behind or underneath our children’s behaviors – their coping styles, feelings, opinions, expectations, desires, and ego. She also shared the “ten magic words of love” with specific cases. These specific methods and detailed techniques were practical and of benefited to our parents.

董博士鼓励大家，作父母是世界上最伟大的事业，但需要我们每天学习和每天践行，进而才能更好地帮助我们的孩子们，更好更快的从“生物的你”和“家庭的你”成长为“教育的/社会的你”和“独立的你”，更好的发挥生命的价值和意义。

最后，董博士以纪伯伦的诗歌《论孩子》结语，祝福所有的父母们，能够和孩子一起成长，发挥生命的无限可能，因为我们的存在让这个世界更加美好光明。

Dr. Dong encouraged us that parenting is the greatest business in the world.  We need to learn and practice doing it every day so that we can better help our children grow from “biological you” and “family you” to the “educational/social you” and “independent you” bringing out the value and meaning of life. 

In closing, Dr. Dong recited the poem “On Children” by Kahlil Gibran, wishing all parents to grow together with their children and bring out the infinite possibilities of life.  This will make the world a better and brighter place.

讲座之后，在问答互动环节，董博士结合听众提出的家庭中具体案例，给出解决问题的指导性建议，给出和孩子沟通的具体方法，让听众得到及时的帮助。

听众们也纷纷分享自己在讲座中的启发和收获。

After the lecture, Dr. Dong hosted a Q&A interactive session.  

The audience also shared their inspirations and gains from the lecture.