THIS Parent School | 家长学校回顾：读懂孩子心，陪伴ta成长

By 2022年01月04日



家长学校回顾：你的孩子比看起来更需要你

THIS Parent School Review: Your children need you more than it seems



    青春期是人生发展过程中，最迷茫，最关键的阶段。如何使整个家庭变得和谐幸福？在本期清华附中国际部的家长学校活动中，国际部中学心理辅导老师Gloria Ge和小学心理辅导老师Jennifer Fu特别推荐书籍《解码青春期》，结合实际案例，总结出青春期孩子们的特点，帮助家长更好地了解孩子们所处的关键时期以及即将面临的挑战。


    Adolescence is the most confusing and critical stage in the development of life. How to make the whole family harmonious and happy? During the latest THIS Parent School, our school counselors, Gloria and Jennifer specially recommend the book Decoding Adolescence, which summarizes the characteristics of adolescent children with real-life cases to help parents better understand the important period their children are in and the challenges they are about to face.


    家长们在讲座结束后纷纷表示，本次讲座中的内容实用性强，是一次具有实践指导意义的心理指导讲座，家长们都收获颇丰。下面，就让我们来回顾一下本次活动的精华内容吧！


    After the event, parents expressed that this lecture was very practical that full of inspiring guidences. Now, let’s have a review of the highlights of this lecture.


课程提纲

Outline




当家长定睛在孩子的人生蓝图时，

也许忽略了孩子当下最基本的需求：倾听和陪伴。


While parents are fixated on their children’s blueprint for life,

perhaps the most basic needs are listening and companionship.




①   两种关键的思维模式

  • 第一种思维模式：家长们认为孩子的需求vs.孩子们真实的需求

  • 第二种思维模式：从仰视到平视

②  青春期不同阶段的特点以及家长的关键行动

③  孩子们想听到的话

（来自清华附中国际部的学生们）


①  Two key types of mindsets

  • The first mindset: what the parent thinks the child needs vs. what the child really needs

  • The second mindset: looking up to looking down


②Characteristics of different stages of adolescence and key actions of parents


③  What kids want to hear from parents (from THIS students)

 

 

心理辅导老师

School Counselors



葛馨天 Gloria Ge

中学心理辅导老师

Secondary School Counselor


付文清 Jennifer Fu 

小学心理辅导老师

Primary School Counselor



课程实录

Contents


    哈佛大学“儿童发展中心”研究课题：是什么让一些孩子克服了严峻的挑战，却让其他孩子在困难面前屈服？


    The Center for Children Development of Harvard University once had a research on: What makes some children overcome serious challenges while others succumb to them?


适应力强的孩子的共同点是：   


  • 这些孩子与给予他们支持的父母、看护人或其他成年人之间保持着至少一种稳定、忠诚的关系。

  • 这种关系能针对孩子的个人需要做出及时响应、给予支持、提供保护，从而减少孩子发展过程中收到的干扰。

  • 这种关系同样会培养孩子一些关键技能，比如计划能力、监督能力和调控能力，这些技能能够让孩子对逆境或顺境做出适当的回应。


The common denominator of well-adjusted children:


  • These children maintain at least one stable, committed relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult who gives them support.

  • This relationship is responsive, supportive, and protective of the children’s individual needs, thereby reducing disruptions in the children’s development.

  • Such relationships also develop critical skills, such as planning, supervision, and regulation, that allow children to respond appropriately to adversity or good times.   



在孩子一生的成长过程中，

没有任何人能替代孩子父母所产生的影响。

                  

Throughout a children’s lives,

no one can replace the influence of their parents.



思维模式 1

Mindset 1


您的孩子比看起来

更需要您

Your children need you more than it seems


与青少年共度美好时光的关键步骤

  • 安排专属的时间

  • 尽量不取消约会

  • 让约会变得有趣

  • 请预料到这个约会可能不会那么顺利


Key steps to spending quality time with your children

  • Schedule exclusive time

  • Try not to cancel appointments

  • Make the companion fun

  • Anticipate that the communication may not go so well



思维模式 2

Mindset 2


从仰视到平视

looking up to looking down


伟大的教练怎么做?

  • 赛前——排练：孩子需要面临哪些潜在的挑战

  • 赛后——回顾评估：我们学到了什么

  • 比赛期间——放手：没有我，孩子为成功做好准备了吗？

  • 教练的自我成长   


What great coach usually do? 

  • Pre-game – rehearse：what potential challenges the children needs to face

  • After the game – review and evaluate：what did we learn?

  • During the game – Do my children get ready without my support?

  • Self-growth for coaches   



家长从空中交通管制员到权威教练，

用谦逊的态度传递价值观引导而非情绪掌控。


Parents go from air traffic controllers to authoritative coaches,

using humility to convey values to guide rather than control emotions.

 


青春期不同阶段的特点以及家长的关键行动

Characteristics of different stages of adolescence & Key actions for parents




11-12岁：“谁喜欢我”阶段，天真、多变、缺乏安全感。焦点 — 被他人接受

12-14岁：“我是谁”阶段，好奇、易怒、不稳定。焦点—寻找自我

14-15岁：“我究竟属于哪里”阶段，合群、冲动、喜欢刨根问底。焦点—朋友

15-16岁：“为什么我不能”阶段，叛逆、冒险、勇于尝试。焦点—追寻自由

16-17岁：“我如何才能变得重要”阶段，标新立异、理想化、不切实际。焦点—卓尔不同

17-18岁：“我将来做什么”阶段，关注未来、积极主动，对未来有畏惧心理。焦点—毕业


o  Age 11-12: The “Who likes me” stage, chlidren are naive, changeable, and insecure. Focus – Accepted by others

o  Age 12-14: The “Who am I” stage, children are curious, irritable, and unstable. Focus – Self-search

o Age 14-15:  The “Where do I really belong” stage, children are agreeable, impulsive, and likes to get to the bottom of things. Focus – Friendship

o  Age 15-16: The “Why can’t I” stage, children are rebellious, adventurous and courageous. Focus – The Pursuit of Freedom

o Age 16-17: The “How can I matter” stage, children are creative, idealistic and impractical. Focus – Joule is different

o  Age 17-18:  The “What will I do in the future” stage, children are future-focused, proactive and fearful of the future. Focus – Graduation






少年的心声

THIS Students’ Voice


希望听到

I want to hear from my parents 



不愿意听到

I don’t want to hear from my parents


 

结语

Conclusion


    青春期是伟大的试错阶段。本期清华附中国际部家长学校讲座为家长们提供了学生青春期发展各个阶段非常具有实用价值的指导。对于家长来说，孩子的教育是一个复杂的体系，作为家长也需要不断学习，不断成长。课程结束后，家长们纷纷感谢学校老师们帮助家长用科学的眼光看待孩子们的青春期。


Adolescence is a vital period for trial-and-error. The Parent School provides parents with very practical hands-on guidance for each stage of adolescence. Teaching children is a complex process and parents need to keep learning and emproving. After the workshop, parents thanked THIS teachers for helping them to look at their children’s adolescence in a scientific way. 


   随着孩子的成长，父母的角色也需要有转变，调整心态，主动去了解青春期孩子的表现，从空中管制转换成教练，才能从容不迫地去面对孩子的成长，迎接未来精彩的人生。


    As children grow up, the role of parents also needs to change, adjust their mindset, take the initiative to understand the performance of adolescent children, and change from controlling to coaching, so that they can face their children’s growth with ease and welcome the wonderful life in the future.




文字 Writing | THIS Parents, Mia Gu

排版 Editing | Mercy Xu

审核 Auditing | Toni Dong, Wenping Li




本篇文章来源于微信公众号: 清华附中国际部