心理驿站 | 疫情居家亲子关系小贴士

在疫情时代，突然的居家办公和网课学习再次打乱了我们正常的生活节奏，并给很多家庭带来了挑战。这威胁到的不只是大家身体层面的健康，还包括心理健康。作为父母，不仅要协调自己的工作，同时还要维持家里的生活，并辅导孩子上网课、做作业等。因此，父母内心也许承受着不小的压力，并可能无法及时得到排解和照顾。今天我们为家长们准备了一些在疫情期间，如何照顾好自己，同时顺利应对亲子关系挑战的小建议。 

In the post-pandemic era, staying at home for work and school has disrupted our life’s rhythm and brought challenges to many families, regarding both our physical health as well as mental well-being. As parents, you have to take care of your work, maintain your family life, and help your children with online learning and homework. With this inner pressure, parents may not get timely relief and care for themselves. Today, we have prepared some tips for you to practice self-care and how to deal with the challenges of the parent-child relationship.

在这段时间里，许多家长有了更多在家和孩子一起相处的时间。然而，这段亲子时光也许没有想象中的那般静谧美好，尤其是在这有限的社交和活动空间里。过多的相处时间让家长们的耐心开始被消耗。家庭成员可能会因为一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事产生争执，而影响了整体家庭氛围。 

当我们心情愉悦时想要同他人分享，他人往往很难做到感同身受。然而，对于负面情绪，只要简单的叹气或者摆个脸色，就可以快速的破坏别人的好心情。家长一定要留意自己的行为、用词用语和身体语言。尤其在自己忙碌的时刻，避免在自己无意识的情况下，通过些细小的行为将焦虑传递给孩子。因此，为了更好的照顾孩子们，家长应先将重心放在照顾自己以处在稳定和积极的状态里。 

During this period, many parents are spending more time at home with their children. And often, this parent-child time is not as quiet and beautiful as imagined especially when social and activity space is limited in the home environment. Spending too much time together, parents’ patience can start to exhaust and family members are more likely to argue over small things affecting the atmosphere of the family.  

When we are in a good mood, we want to share, but it can be difficult to make others feel the same.  On the other hand, when it comes to negative emotions, a simple sigh or a grimace can quickly turn someone’s good mood into a bad one. Parents must be mindful of their actions, words, and body language especially during these busy times to avoid passing on anxiety to your children through minor behaviors. Therefore, parents just make it a top priority to first take good care of themselves to stay in a stable and positive state, in order to take better care of their children. 

负面情绪和矛盾都是正常的。作为家长，当您感觉自己即将说出或做出伤害自己孩子的话或行为时，不妨让自己快速地离开当时的场景。找个安静的地方先冷静下来，并可以尝试以下四个步骤来解决问题： 

1)  告诉您的孩子我们都会生气，生气是个正常的情绪。 

2)  在自己的空间里，做一些让自己舒服和放松的事情来调整好自己的情绪。 

3)  当双方都平静下来的后，再讨论刚刚发生的事情。 

4)  倾听孩子的观点，提醒孩子家里的规则以及对他/她的期待，再一起解决问题。 

Negative emotions and conflicts are normal. As a parent, when you feel you are about to say or do something harmful to your child, quickly remove yourself from the situation.  Find a quiet place to calm down and use the following four steps to deal with the situation: 

1） Tell your child(ren) that we all get angry. This is a very normal emotion. 

2） Do something comfortable and relaxing in your own space to tune in to your mood. 

3） When both of you have calmed down, talk about the problem. 

4） Listen to your child’s point of view, remind him/her of the rules and expectations at home and work on the solution together. 

我们总是谈论建立边界的重要性。然而由于疫情的缘故，家成为了我们办公和学习的地方，而家居生活与工作学习的界线也逐渐模糊。除了地点与时间的模糊不清，我们还要处理职责与权限的边界。 

当孩子们在学校时，老师们会管理孩子们的课堂表现。但在上网课的时，家长则需要分配额外的精力到看管孩子上网课的表现。而这超出了家长的职责范围。这也会影响孩子们对控制感和家的感受。 

我们都希望在不确定性中寻找控制感，孩子们也不例外。在这一点上，家长们也许需要考虑，您是否忽略了孩子对控制感的需要，并将您对控制感的需求放到了孩子身上。过度的看管可能会让孩子们对不确定性更加脆弱，反而让他们感觉无助和迷茫。 

We often talk about the importance of establishing boundaries. As a result of the pandemic, homes have become places of work and study, blurring the boundaries between home, school, and work. In addition to the blurring of boundaries such as site and time, we may also need to deal with the blurring of responsibilities and authority. 

If children are in school, the teachers are in charge of their classroom performance. When school is taking place at home, parents need to dedicate some energy to pay attention to their children during online classes, which expands the responsibilities of parents. This may also affect your children’s sense of control and feeling of home. 

We all seek control in times of uncertainty, and children are no exception. At this point, parents may need to consider whether you are ignoring your child’s need for a sense of control and putting your own need for control on your child. Excessive regulation may make your children more vulnerable to uncertainty and make them feel helpless and lost. 

作为家长，如果您和孩子交流只局限于学校可以，那争吵一定不可避免！因此，将注意力转移到一些有活动中并试图一起参与一些有趣并有创造力的活动时，可以增进您和孩子的亲子关系并且降低焦虑水平。不要担心，我们并不要求您有超高的艺术创造力。这件事情的重点在于”一起做一些放松的事情”。尽管室内的空间有限，但仍然有许多活动可以进行。以下是一些建议： 

• 一起读一本书 

•  一起整理相册 

•  一起制作一道菜 

•  一起看一场体育比赛 

•  一起看电视剧或者综艺节目 

在一起做一件事情时，也许您会惊喜的发现，您又多了解了您的孩子一些。而您的孩子，也将更加了解您！ 

As parents, if you and your children limit the communication to homework and school tasks, of course, arguments will be inevitable! Hence, shifting your attention to something else and trying to do activities fun and creative together can help to improve parent-child relationships as well as decrease anxiety levels. Don’t worry， this kind of creativity does not require you to engage in “artistic creation”. The main point is “doing something relaxing together”. Although the indoor space is limited, there are still lots of activities that can be carried out!  Here are some ideas:  

• Read a book together 

• Organize the photo album together 

• Try a new dish together  

• Watch a sports competition together   

• Watch a TV show together  

It may surprise you how much you can learn about your children and how much your children can get to know you better while you guys are doing something together!