THIS Parent School
The Secret of Nurturing: 6A Balanced Parenting
During the long journey of raising a child, we ask ourselves how can we help children trust and be close to their parents? How can we create a parent-child relationship that provides the best care and management to enable children to be both healthy and outstanding? With the support of THIS and the Parent Council, on March 19th, 2021, by popular demand, the 19th Parent School lecture was held as we continue to seek answers to these questions.
Due to the epidemic, this lecture was held both online and offline. The limited offline spaces were quickly filled, with many more parents logging in online to participate. The lecturer, Dr. Tang Hua, holds a Ph.D. in Biomedical Engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, was a former MIT alumni interviewer for China, is currently the chief lecturer for Beijing Hemei, and is a national third-level psychological counselor. As a mother of three children and a professional psychological counselor, Dr. Tang shared three secrets for raising children and introduced the concept of being a 6A balanced parent.
In this in-depth lecture, Dr. Tang pointed out that in this time when the mental health crisis among children and adolescents is increasingly serious at a much younger age, parents face enormous challenges. A crucial question before parents is: What is the goal of raising children?
Dr. Tang introduced the MCS goal for raising children. M (Mission): live life with a mission and encourage the search for meaning; C (Character): shape the child’s character, emphasizing the attitude during the process; S (Service): possess skills, provide humble service, and encourage putting down roots. According to Dr. Tang, MCS can be a fundamental way to cultivate a child’s sense of happiness and leadership, providing a lifetime of benefit.
There are two fundamental elements in the development of MCS in children, namely the parents’ own growth as role models, and a good parent-child relationship. There are four types of parent-child relationships: 1) parent-centered power relationship; 2) child-centered doting relationship; 3) relationship of neglect; 4) and a 6A balanced relationship. In Dr. Tang’s view, the 6A balanced parent-child relationship is the kind of relationship based on true love and real discipline. It strikes a balance between love and discipline, helping parents raise responsible children.
6A refers to: Acceptance, Appreciation, Availability, Affection, Accountability, Authority. Parents establish an intimate relationship with their children through accepting and appreciating their children. Parents acknowledge their children, respect their children, and help children build a sense of security and self-worth. This is true love and the first secret to raising children.
The authority and responsibility of the parent is to discipline and restrain the child when needed. Parents set boundaries for their children, helping them have self-control, as they become responsible and independent. This is true management, which is the second secret to raising children.
The third secret to raising children is to be caring. In this secret, the emphasis is on the marital relationship. Parents’ emphasis on their own spousal relationship can help children build a sense of security, set an example of a healthy marriage, and avoid self-centered attitudes.
The atmosphere during the lecture was sincere and intimate. “What do you want your child to be like at 40?” Starting from this question, Dr. Tang’s lecture drew the attention of all the parents present. During the lecture, parents practiced the methods in the 6A theory by trying to solve problems through simulating a conflict at the breakfast table. On the topic of the “True Management Trilogy”, “saving money, setting boundaries, and maintaining strict discipline” were the main methods discussed. The parents shared their own personal experiences to think about how to determine boundaries. The lecture was lively and inspired heated discussions.
The parents came confused and with questions, but many left with feelings of relief and being inspired. We are grateful to Dr. Tang for her thought-provoking lecture, which encouraged parents to think, learn and communicate. As personal growth comes from learning, we look forward to the next session of the THIS Parent School.
文字 Writing | THIS Parents
排版 Editing | Mercy Xu
审核 Auditing | Shiny Wang, Donald Holder, Wenping Li